It's been a while since I've posted. No excuses. I've been deliberately not posting. I'm grumpy, alright? And to prove I'm a committed miserable old fart, today I deliberately and wantonly and knowingly started an argument with a complete stranger. Yep, you read it right. A COMPLETE STRANGER AND I HAD A ROW. OK, picture this:
I'm driving back home, negotiating the one-way system at the bottom of my road. Now, let me pause here for a moment and set the scene by just explaining that the one way system includes a large misshapen traffic island (not round enough to be a roundabout, more like a melanoma of some kind) at the bottom of the hill. The road is wide here, and I could see an elderly couple were near the kerb, so I indicated my intention to follow the flow of the road round to the left (actually, there was no particular need for me to indicate here, as basically it's the way the road goes...but now I feel like I'm explaining myself, which I'm not). Anyway, this elderly man decides to cross, so I slow down to allow him. Meantime, the elderly lady stayed on the pavement. Now, here's the rub, the moment if you like: So he's walking across the road, I've stopped, my window is wound down, so far there's no issue at all. However, just as he gets to the other side of the road and I move forward to continue home, he looks into my car and tuts. There's a look on his face that seems to imply I've done something wrong. OK, I think, this is not right. So, I immediately stop the car and say, 'Is there something wrong?' (Note here, I have to say it three times before he acknowledges me) Eventually this elderly gentleman comes over to me and says 'No, not at all' sweet as pie. So I say, 'Really? I thought you just tutted at me.' He sort of withers a little and says 'No, I was just tutting at my wife.' In my head, I'm thinking I bet you're a total bxxxxxd to live with. I mean, who in their right mind would think that would be a reasonable response. I WAS TUTTING AT MY WIFE! Really?? So, sarcastically I say 'Oh, that's alright then, tutting at your wife.' (in brackets, clearly NOT) So then, this wife-loathing, excuse-making, pompous ass of an elderly gentlemen suddenly changes. I mean his whole countenance changes. To me, he looks like someone who'd make good use of Rohypnol if only he had the capacity to. And he begins to walk away, but as he does, he turns and says 'You should be kinder to people' ...AS HE WALKS AWAY he says those words to me. As if he has had the last word, as if he has managed to put the lid on it. OH NO.
So, at this point I turn off Gardeners' Question Time with a flourish and shout (yes, shout) 'You should try being more polite. Maybe you should start with your wife!'
And then I drove off.
Take that for a Sunday afternoon rimshot you old goon.
I sincerely hope I bump into this old buffer again. I'd love to continue th
Kerry Hadley-Pryce has written fiction for as long as she can remember. She has had a thousand jobs ranging from dinner lady to company director, but writing is the best job she's had. She lives with her family in the sunny West Midlands, UK.